Three papers down, nine more to go. God has been immensely faithful. Really want to surrender every moment of my life to Him. At times I stumble, but yet God is still immensely faithful!

I will place my hope in God and SOAR above the circumstances. I will not be discouraged but I will hope in God! I need to read more of the Word, only then can I hide the Word in my heart, that I may not sin. May each moment be a worship to Him!

Here's something I wrote to my medical friends, may it be an encouragement to you too!       >>>

Hope the studying has been going well. Think we all have a fair bit of studying to go still. Personally I still haven't finished Paeds once thru and my unfinished surgery track topics have been archived till after this stretch of medicine written papers. And like everyone, my brain seems to return back to its resting osmolarity with the leaking of information out through the gyri! Heh.. We're all in the same boat. Some with their heads higher above the water, some of us treading just to keep afloat.

This past Sunday Andrew and I took our youth group in church and shared about Isaiah 40:28-31. The passage was an encouragement to us because it shows how the "normal" Christian life is one of soaring above the circumstances. We are not to be beneath the circumstances, but those who hope in God will be renewed.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:30-31

At first look, it seems almost impossible to run and not be weary. It just doesn't make physiological sense! At some point, you have to be weary right? At the rate we're running for our MBBS, lactic acidosis would inevitably set in, in no time at all! The ABG confirms the diagnosis of a high anion gap metabolic acidosis. Our kidneys try to retain HCO3- in an effort to maintain homeostasis.. Yet that has it's limitations, so in one last heroic effort, our lungs try to compensate with Kussmaul's breathing (deep breathing exercises to relieve anxiety!), unfortunately in the case of the MBBS, the acidosis is so bad that we never get back to the optimum pH of 7.4...

Oh all that effort! And yet we are still beneath our circumstances. Sigh.

How weary we are at times! Worn down by doubt and fear and anxiety. We identify with the Psalmist when he writes in chapter 42, "Why so downcast oh my soul? And all that is within me?" Or we think of Job who cries out.. "I loathe my very life" (10:1). And we wonder how Isaiah chapter 40 could possibly be real in a situation like this.

Yet God's Word is true and flawless, His Word stands forever. He honours all His promises. (Prov 30:5, Isa 40:8, 2 Cor 1:20) So the words in Isaiah 40 must be true. When we hope in the LORD our strength will be renewed. And we will SOAR above the circumstances. That is true! Saying, "Put your hope in God!" is easy. But truly placing your hope in God requires faith. Faith in a God who is everlasting and an awesome Creator!

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.

Isaiah 40:28

Isaiah exhorts us.. Do you not know that God is everlasting? Have you not heard that He is the Creator? God reigns forever! He spoke creation into being!

The MBBS, when put in an eternal perspective, is but a tiny fraction of eternity. And with that in mind, God is more concerned about our character and our walk than our grades. Yes, grades are important, but the eternal things even more. We serve a God who is everlasting and the things which are unseen are the things that are eternal (2 Cor 4:18). And boy, is the MBBS small compared to the whole of eternity!

God is a mighty Creator God. Genesis chapter 1 records the creation, God said "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let there be an expanse.. to separate water." And it was so. God said "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky.." And it was so. God spoke and the heavens and the stars and the universe came to be. And it was so. And it was so, and it was so... Simply by God speaking! Jesus spoke and the Centurion's servant was healed. He rebuked the winds and they were still. God's Word is mighty and powerful! Praise Him!

God is FAR GREATER than any exam! And the MBBS has no choice but to go to its rightful place, laid at the feet of Jesus.

Let's ask God for eyes to see the exams as they truly are, and eyes to see Him as He truly is.

Put your hope in God, and SOAR.

Lord, help me to see the MBBS as it truly is.
Not too big and overwhelming,
and not too small and insignificant.
Grant me your perspective, O Lord.

Help me to see you as you are, my Creator.
Big, glorified, and everlasting.
I place my hope in you, Lord.
Thank you Jesus.

"And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith"       1 John 5:4

A week and a half till the start of exams. Refusing all fear. Rejecting all discouragement. Putting off slothfulness. Hating sin. Loving God's Word. Standing by His standards. Embracing Christ.

From today's Straits Times: 3.6 million people killed in war since 1990. 91 million people affected by 267 natural disasters in the first eight months of 2006. 8.4 million children working as forced labourers or sex workers. 39.5 million people infected with HIV worldwide. 1.1 billion people living on less than $1.50 a day.

My heart breaks. How do you reach a billion people?

Senior Youth Camp was really really great! In fact, I would say "Awesome!". The word awesome, I feel, is reserved for God alone as He is the only one who is truly awesome. But I will use it here because God's presence was in the camp and his work in our lives was truly awesome.

I openly thank God for several things.

1. For confirmation of the same Spirit working among different believers.

At last Wednesday night's prayer meeting, we were praying 2 Chronicles 16:9 for the camp, especially for the committee. "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." This same verse was the first verse shared by Pastor Joyce at the camp, with a similar emphasis as our prayers, that our hearts would be fully committed to Jesus, that He would be our first love.

For me, personally, I had been thinking about John 15:14 for about a week in my quiet time, as I began to feel convicted about how loving others greatly means being willing to lay down my life for them. I felt really that I don't have enough love for those around me. And as I responded to the altar call on the first day, one of the ministry team members came to me and the first words he spoke to me were the exact same words of John 15:14. I was amazed!

Ask around and you will find similar testimonies of people who were ministered in such a specific way through prayer. Indeed a Word in season for many lives! Thank God!

2. For liberty and joy in worship!

One thing the camp taught many of us was to worship God with our all! Youths and young adults all dancing and praising God with such joy and freedom. Giving our all in worship! Worship on the final night was a sight to behold and treasure! May it be that our worship will always be sacrificial praises from the depths of our spirits!

3. For brothers and sisters in Christ who share Christ's passion.

How so many of us responded to the different calls made during the camp. To make Jesus our FIRST LOVE. To be BROKEN so that God can use us. To be DESPERATE for intimacy with Him. I didn't count specifically, but the altar area was filled every single night. Kneeling, weeping, surrendering... Infilling, affirming, uplifting.

And on the last night, when we all prayed together joining hands. I thought that was tremendously special. Prayers shouted boldly (not presumptuously) to God, when they reflect our deepest desire for Him... I felt as though something happened in the spiritual realms then. It was as though the ceiling broke. The lid that keeps us, as youths and young adults, from being frontline and bold. I felt it break. Breakthrough! Hallelujah!

I don't know if you feel the same way. We need each other tremendously. That's why we pray in twos or threes... And when we pray in true unity as a whole ministry, it releases such amazing power and breakthrough! And when we work together as one body, what limits are there in Christ? Will someone shout AMEN to that! Hallelujah!

Just some thoughts before SYC this afternoon...

I'm excited about what the camp will be like this year. May it be such a special encounter with God for all of us!

As I prepared my heart, I felt God speaking to me in two specific areas. Firstly in the area of humility, and what it means to "consider others as better than myself". How it is important not to be proud because of whatever abilities or achievements we may have, but rather to take pride in our position in Christ. Like Paul, who considered everything a loss, compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ. I need much more of this - that my worth, my identity, my pride, be entirely in Christ.

The second area is in the area of loving others. I think I'm guilty, oftentimes, of emphasizing the bottom-line more than relationships and the person. VantagePoint had an article on "Loving people & using things" recently. Where our treasure is, is where our hearts will be also. Treasure people, use things. I feel that's God's reminder to me this season.

Hoping that God will speak to me more clearly in these areas at the camp. Wondering if I'm a little overaged to be excited about camps... (and desiring to jump during worship!!). But I know I'm not, and none of us are too big for that! Looking forward to a great time!

May God unite our hearts in Christ.

Here is my list of dreams...

1. Go to ********* in 6 years time. I dream about this almost everyday now...

2. Spend a year or two on board the Doulos. Serving together with people from other tribes and tongues, it's a beautiful glimpse of what will happen when the Day arrives.

3. Write a thesis involving a prospective case-control study that shows the effect of prayer on the healing of the human body. Evidenced-based. Pray and they will get better!

4. Learn a new language so that I can be a blessing in a foreign land.

Josh, these are good dreams, remember them. Let them burn warmly in your heart. God's work, done in God's way and in God's timing, will never lack God's resources. Be strong and courageous. He will strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. Always be humble. Submit to authority. Guard your heart. Fight when you must. Flee when necessary. Stand on the Rock. Always be ready to give the reason for the hope that you have. Do this with gentleness and respect.

Junior Youth Camp 2006 was great! Lives touched, hearts changed, commitments made. An answer to weeks of Wednesday night prayer. Thank God!

As I was making my way to the evening session on Saturday, I felt this big sense of anticipation. It was welling up in me, and I just praised and prayed aloud as I walked in from Upper Changi Road to church. I was simply bursting - in such a wonderful way! It was so good!

Royston, Daniel, Jasper, Joshua and Amos from my FL group were youth leaders at the camp. I'm deeply encouraged by their passion to serve God, and the attitude with which they serve - servanthood and glorifying Him! I begin to understand more of why Paul writes this to the Thessalonians:

Indeed, you are our glory and joy.       1 Thes 2:20

I see the fruit in their lives, and I am filled with joy! Thank you Lord! And I could just say this over and over again.. Thank you, thank you Lord! For these lives, and the immense privilege of leading them. Thank you for the fruit of labour! I'm humbled that you caused the Word to take root in their hearts in the past five years. I'm humbled and amazed, and just full of praise. I really want to praise you God for this! Hallelujah!

I'm encouraged and inspired to go deeper, and run faster, jump higher.. whatever it takes, O Lord! Hallelujah!

Acknowledgements: The music you are listening to is made available through John & Helen of Recent Rainfall Music. Excellent worship songs freely available for use in worship settings. Thanks John & Helen!

Surgery SIP ended yesterday. I was glad it ended, yet it served as a reminder that the final exams are 15 weeks away. I will trust God to see me through this. Just like O&G and all the previous postings. God is immensely faithful. And even if I should not pass the exams, I will still praise Him, my Joy, my Saviour, my God. Lord, I love you.

My surgery SIP tutor was a big inspiration. He saw his patients twice a day, ensured that their needs were met. He always smiled and encouraged them. He never promised more than he could give. His weekdays, weekends, are devoted to them. One of the evenings, one of his patients needed an urgent operation for intestinal obstruction. He could have left it to the surgical team on call, but he chose to do it himself. The operation lasted past eleven, I scrubed in to help.

I wondered if he were a Christian. His mannerisms, his responsiblity to patients, his kindness. He just had to be? True enough, a sticker on his car said so. He insisted on sending me home that evening after the operation. I've never met a surgeon like that.

Such persons inspire possibility in my life. I wonder to myself if I could be called to something like that. The thought rests lightly at the back of my mind, amidst so many good and excellent dreams. But only what's best, Lord.

A song I heard at CMDF conference spoke deeply to me.. "Here I am Lord". The words echo the thoughts of my heart.. Is it I, Lord? I have heard you calling in the night.

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin,
My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

    CHORUS
    Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
    I have heard you calling in the night.
    I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
    I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borned my people's pain.
I have wept for love of them.
They turn away.

I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my words for them.
Whom shall I send?

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame.
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.

Finest bread I will provide,
'Til their hearts be satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

My walk during the past 6 weeks was like a roller-coaster ride.. Attributed to a stretch of inconsistent QT. And I learnt that God pursues each one of us. He certainly doesn't let go. He didn't let go of me, tho I was swinging back and forth like a reed in the wind.

I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me.      Jer 32:40

God's covenant with us is everlasting! He keeps pursuing us.. He pursued me throughout this posting.. sending people, encouraging words, friends.. to remind me of my purpose. He was faithful, even though at times I was faithless.

I thank God for my care group.. they understand my struggles. Few people do. It is hard to have to explain why I feel a certain way in a particular situation. By the time I'm done explaining most people are wide-eyed.. or they might give a really generic statement which doesn't help. With my group I've no need to explain.. they understand. We look at life through the same eye piece, and our bearings are read by the same compass.

I felt as though the past weeks were a period of intense molding. As though the way I would treat patients for the rest of my life depended on these 6 weeks. So many things are molded and set in stone the first few weeks when you start work.

Most times I took blood or set an intravenous plug, I tried my best to look for the best, most appropriate vein. I tried to do it as gently as possible, with words of reassurance, telling myself to treat the patient as I would a father, mother, sister or brother. Yet there were those night call periods when I was swept away by the objective of the moment - to get the blood out, or the plug in.. And how little compassion there was in those moments. I'm just doing my job, I told myself. I'm ashamed of those moments.

Three patients under my care passed away. One young gentleman with HIV, a middle-aged gentleman with haemoptysis (coughing out blood), and an elderly lady with TB and superimposed pneumonia.

The young gentleman with HIV came down with a fungal infection of the lungs. When a person has HIV, even the least virulent organisms can attack him. Even supposedly harmless fungi and yeast organisms. The infectious diseases doctor made sure that he at least got a fighting chance by sending him into the medical ICU, where he was eventually placed on a ventilator machine. He passed away a few days later. But I felt he deserved that fighting chance.. some people thought otherwise - they thought there was no point sending him to ICU. I couldn't help but be angry at their thoughts. Yes, he will eventually die from HIV, but with anti-retroviral therapy and other modalities, his lifespan can be prolonged by at least a few years, should he survive this episode. Some time to make amends, be reconciled. Wouldn't you like that? Imagine if you were in his shoes.

The middle-aged gentleman with haemoptysis was most tragic. He has a history of bronchiectasis (scarring of the lungs due to multiple infections) and TB. These predispose him to haemoptysis. On admission, he coughed out 890 mls of blood. Blood was transfused, and the lung artery that was bleeding was embolised by the interventional radiologist. He survived that episode. A few days later, he coughed another 120 mls. A second embolisation was successfully done. His condition continued to improve in hospital, until he wasn't coughing out any blood at all. He was about to be discharged when.. he coughed another 500 mls one night. He exsanguinated, was transferred to the medical ICU, but unfortunately didn't survive because of his very poor lung function. I remember seeing the blood streaks on the ventilator tubes. I really could have wept.

People say that a doctor shouldn't be emotionally attached to his patients.. it's "unprofessional". But.. how else can a doctor have a genuine sense of compassion for his patients if he doesn't love them? And if he loves them, how can he not feel a sense of loss when they pass on? It goes beyond communication skills and saying the right words at the right time.. compassion has to come from within.. almost like a heartache. It is especially especially especially sad when they go not knowing the Truth.

It scares me that I may very well be the last Christian they come into contact with before they pass away. What does that mean... It seems like a responsibility I can barely run away from. I am the last line.. the last opportunity to stand in the gap. It weighs so so heavily on me.. I pray for favour, discernment, grace.. How else can this be done?

Internship's started.. and I'm almost like a houseman in the wards. I can write in the casenotes, sign forms, order investigations, do simple procedures, take a history, examine patients, suggest a diagnosis.. all under the watchful eye of the team doctors. I'm learning a lot.. and enjoying the large part of it. Not yet missed a blood so far. But missed a plug yesterday. Just terribly tired... and nicely distracted too. Pray for strength. And that I'll be doing my quiet time too. :) 5 weeks and 3 days to go!

Josh: hey these are the 17 y.o.s whom we are very proud of! pray that they may be the saltiest salts and the brightest lights! go guys!!

Drool: Lurve these kids...they really have been great ppl and excited to see them grow up to become matured MEN of God....God bless them!

Back to school... but not back into the rhythm of school. Trying to find some meaning in what I'm studying but it's hard! I can see the long term significance, but the short term significance.. I long to see. I've known for a time that my calling is different from everyone else's calling. It is not better, not more significant, nor is it more special. It is simply different.

That's probably why I find things a bit more difficult. I need to prepare myself to fulfill the call. And that means preparing outside of the school curriculum.. doing things related to my call. Oh but how I need to study! Sometimes I wish studying were a spiritual gift so we could all naturally be good at it... and enjoy doing it. Heh.

Was reading Ecclesiastes the other day...

Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.      Ecc 12:12

Oh how I want to agree! Much study does weary the body. Long hours in school wearies the body. There is no end to acquiring knowledge! There's no end to finding out that people know something about orthopaedics that you don't! So fine, just have to accept it.

Pastor Vincent's message on Sunday brought much food for thought! Amos chapters 1 to 2 tells of God's judgement upon Israel's neighbours - it is a fierce judgement. Yet chapters 3 to 6 tells of God's judgment upon Israel.. a more terrible, fiercer judgement.

Words like destroy, wailing and anguish. Phrases like "As a shepherd saves from the lion's mouth only two leg bones or a piece of an ear, so will the Israelites be saved." (3:12.) Only a piece of ear saved? That is... just... mind blowing.

"A city that marches out a thousand strong.. will only have a hundred left; the town that marches out a hundred strong will have only ten left." (5:3.) Ninety percent of the population wiped out? This is tremendous, tremendous wrath - upon God's chosen ones.

You only have I chosen of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your sins.      Amos 3:2

Oh how we as believers cannot plead ignorance for our sins! We know the truth... yet...

The words in my mind scream.. Be careful! Take heed! Beware! I need to be obedient in every area, especially the big areas. Seek God and live.

I feel like I need a heart transplant.

As a young impressionable teenager, I once thought that medicine was the most meaningful job on earth, nothing could possibly give me more satisfaction… because ultimately, you are helping people, aren't you? And that in itself… is truly a meaningful thing… Jesus said… that which you did for the least of these, you did it for me.

I think yes, in some sense it is a noble profession with several noble people in it. But what has coloured my perspective.. is the truth I've learnt in the clinics. At the year one introductory lectures, someone shared this quote…

That patients can be divided into three categories. One third of patients will get well no matter what you do… may be the viral gastroenteritis, or the mild dengue fever. They are going to get well, drip or no drip. One third of patients are not going to get well… ovarian cancer stage 3 or 4… bad prognosis. The final one third, are those we can help. Maybe the asthmatics, SLE, appendicitis…

But are we truly curing the patient? Surgery to some extent does… but it cures by removing. Does medicine cure asthma? No.. it merely reduces asthmatic attacks and reduces symptoms like wheezing. Who then can cure? Who then can heal?

Only God.

I learnt that I am not the great healer after all. But I have a ministry in the hospital that is in desperate need of healing. And unfortunately, the hospital is a secular organization. Our ministry of sick people, lies in a secular organization, which makes our job all the more difficult.

If God were the CEO, or Chief Medical Board of the hospital.. I'm sure many things would be done in different ways. Top consultants would have to see subsidized patients as well, senior doctors would be chastised for their pride, surgeons would have to reflect on the way they treat the OT nurse.

If Jesus were the Dean, I believe his focus would be on character, empathy and clinical competence, and less on memory and showmanship. We would be trained to share the message of life with every single patient that steps through the doors of the hospital.

Can you imagine the hospital as a place of physical healing as well as spiritual healing? That is truly holistic treatment of the person.

Bible tells us that each of us is made up of body, soul and spirit - 1 Thes 5:23. Patients come to hospital, medicine and surgery expedite the healing process… empathy and communication skills help to lift the spirit… But where is the soul? The soul is sick and dying…

What we are taught in medical school about holistic treatment is unfortunately at best, a half-truth. We are told to care for the physical body, and the emotions, or the spirit, however you choose to call it. But holistic treatment has to include the soul also, doesn't it?

As Christians, we know that God has called us to do good, to help those who are in need. And I believe that is why many of us are in medical school - we desire to help people in very tangible ways.

Each interaction with a person is an opportunity to impact his or her life. We learnt this truth in medical school in fact… It's called Locard's principle of exchange.

But the opportunity to impact each life, is not limited to medical techniques. Behind the practice of medicine, must lie a compassionate heart, the very heart of Jesus himself.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them… because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.       Matt 9:36

Not just compassion for their sickness… but compassion for their lostness. Sheep without a shepherd.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?       Matt 16:26

What good will it be for a patient to gain his health, but eventually lose his soul? We are more than ministers of physical and emotional healing, we are ministers of reconciliation. We are Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore others through our lives, our character and our words,

Be reconciled to God.       2 Cor 5:20

These very words must ring out from our life testimony. From the interaction with patients, colleagues.. From the choices we make.. From the words we speak..

The great missionary doctor David Livingstone… who lived in the 19th century, and was responsible for pioneering the gospel in almost all of Africa. And there are millions upon millions of Christians in Africa today because of his faithfulness.

At the age of about 32, he had this to say…

My great object was to be like Him - to imitate Him as far as He could be imitated. We have not the power of working miracles, but we can do a little in the way of healing the sick, and I sought a medical education in order that I might be like Him.

As a doctor, he understood his primary calling as a follower and imitator of Jesus Christ. As a young boy at the age of 12, he memorized the entire chapter of Psalms 119, the longest Psalm in the Bible. He knew the things which are truly important for eternity.

We are ministers of reconciliation first and foremost, and then we are also ministers of physical healing. This has important implications for us in the way we pursue our training. We need to be equipped to fulfill our role as ministers of reconciliation… and that equipping can only come through reading God's Word.

I will like to close now, with a final thought on faith.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.       Heb 11:1

It is a tough verse to understand. How can someone be sure, and certain of what he hopes for?

Some of us amongst us hope to pursue speciality training, some in more competitive areas, some in less competitive areas… What does it mean to have faith?

Does it mean you keep believing, and believing and believing, and one day you will become an ophthalmologist, or a paediatrician, or a surgeon, or an internal medicine specialist? Just believe it, and it will happen, some people say.

In Genesis we read of how Abraham was tested by God. He was asked to sacrifice Issac, his only beloved son on the altar. And Abraham obeyed, he put Issac on the altar, and raise his knife. And an angel of the Lord stopped him.

How could Abraham have such faith? God, to kill my own son?

Because Abraham remembered God's promise to him.. that through Issac, his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky. Abraham was sure, that somehow or other, perhaps God would raise Issac, or perhaps God would intervene before the sacrifice.

He had faith that God would honour his word to use Issac to multiply his descendants.

Faith has a revelational component, as well as a belief component. God revealed to Abraham His will, and Abraham believed. It isn't blind faith.

Do you know God's will when it comes to specialising? Did God say something to your heart? It would be a beautiful thing if he did. Because if you know his will, you know you will get there no matter what happens. "Come what may, I will become a ***, because God has willed it." Imagine the freedom from fear that comes with each exam.

It does take time to discover his will. While we may not understand his specific will for our lives immediately, but nonetheless, we can have faith in His character and sovereignty. That his ways are always perfect, and his person is always trustworthy. Sovereign, Lord Almighty.

What he opens, no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.       Rev 3:7

Excellent sermons on this website! John Piper is very different from many modern western preachers. His manner inspires me to put aside vainity and fluffy packaging.. to present God's Word for it's victorious intrinsic worth! I desire to be like him.



Click on Audio Sermons. :)

To know your calling is a special thing. Yet.. it is not that special a thing, because many people know their calling. It doesn't make you one up on the person next to you. No, no, no. Having a "noble" calling, doesn't make you any more spiritual than the person who has a supposedly less "noble" calling.

Some are called into ministry, some are called into the workplace, some are called to the community, others into government, defence, investment.. Each calling is just as special - specifically crafted for you.

A ministry calling is special.. yet nothing to be particularly proud of. Is that not what you were created for? You are but being faithful to do what you were called to. Lofty ideals and pride must be banished from the mind. Yes, it is special, but the calling does not validate you.

All validation must come from knowing that while we were yet sinners, Jesus died for us. God acknowledges us as His children - a royal priesthood, a people belonging to Him. That is our worth.

From the start You created me
You named me as Your own
You gave me a special call
To exalt and make You known

It is indeed a special call
But I thought too much of it
So highly I thought myself
My eyes shrouded and dimmed

A rough jerk it took
And some deep soul-searching
To realise that all calls
Are equal, stop comparing

Teaching, cleaning, pastoring
Engineering, sporting, money-making
These are all worth just as much
If the heart is tuned to God

Let no one belittle your call
It is for God to judge
Put away your lofty thoughts
For the truth is

Humility is required
To answer whatever call
A vessel of a contrite heart
To reach all, big or small

Hey.. help me out with this alright? It's a Johari Window, helps you to get to know yourself better. Thanks!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=joshuatay

Click on the link above. :)

Aargh. I blew it today. Finally, it has caught up with me. The reality that areas need to be changed. Made over. Massively. So so far from perfect. So tainted and honestly by myself so pathetic. Come on. Yet there be no condemnation. Faithful and just to forgive. Come on Josh. Let's go. There is so much more than this muck. Can't be messing around with mud, when there's refreshing streams to immerse, soak in.

Got grilled on forceps delivery today.. didn't know half a thing about it unfortunately. My replies to the questions were one liners.. tough. now i'm much better though, after the mini tutorial. I helped with an elective C-section today too. But I missed the first part of the operation.. because I swung my right hand back into the non-sterile region. Alas. There was an anaesthesist trainee who wanted me to rescrub my hands even though they were gloved. Thankfully the registrar intervened, if not I might have missed the whole operation - you know how fast they do these things. :b Ended up changing gown and gloves. The surgeon was really nice about it thankfully.. must have felt sorry for a poor bungling medical student. Grin.

Met a wise person on thursday afternoon who gave me wonderful advice about my life goals and how medical school ties in so nicely. And motivated me all over again to want to study hard.. if anything at all for the next seven years of my life where I'll be practising. To work as though working for the Lord. :)

Here's just something I read lately which changed a bit of me... >>>

I was standing in Vroman's Bookstore on Colorado Avenue in Pasadena, California in the fall of 1968. I picked up a thin blue copy of Lewis's book The Weight of Glory. The first page changed my life.

If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

Never in my life had I heard anyone say that the problem with the world was not the intensity of our pursuit of happiness, but the weakness of it. Everything in me shouted Yes! That's it! There it was in black and white, and to my mind it was totally compelling: The great problem with human beings is that we are far too easily pleased. We don't seek pleasure with nearly the resolve and passion that we should. And so we settle for mud pies of appetite instead of infinite delight.

Extracted from: John Piper "The Dangerous Duty of Delight"

When our back is to the breathtaking beauty of God, we cast a shadow on the earth and fall in love with it. But it does not satisfy. The tragedy of the world is that the echo is mistaken for the Original Shout.

The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them... For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.

Extracted from: John Piper "The Dangerous Duty of Delight"

twenty one days to final MBBS for obstetrics and gynaecology. twenty one days. that's a maximum.. of.. sixty three hours of studying. assuming three hours of productive studying per day. i should be panicking.. and studying my bum off. but somehow.. just very.. ambivalent about it. i like to think it's peace.. but i really am too laid back this time round. come on, josh. go get some good studying done. three weeks of good mugging, and that shall be enough, to get me on my way to China for two months. let's have some motivation please!

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